I’ve been here before.
Looking out the window, I can make out the faint glow of the Opera House through the darkness. Luna Park is flashing and assuring me that people are out there having fun no matter how cold and dark it is outside. Cars are driving over the Harbour Bridge as people leave work and go home to their families. I, on the other hand, am not having fun or heading home, I’m in my hotel room, recovering.
Last year, after I had surgery, my beautiful hotel room in the middle of one of my favorite cities became my prison. I saw the world calling to me yet was unable to go and be a part of it. Yes, my body needed time to heal but so did my spirit.
This week, once again, the same view; recovering.
This time, however, is different.
Last year I had cancer in my body now I don’t.
I’ve been reluctant to write about it or share too much because it most definitely does not define me nor is it the most interesting thing about me. Yet…
Share Your Story in Service of Others Who Feel Alone
I spent endless hours in this hotel room googling other people’s experience, desperate for them to share the details and not just the superficial 1, 2, 3 of their journey. I wanted to know that I wasn’t alone. Moreover, other brave people who shared the good, bad and ugly helped me figure out my next step instead of doing it all alone, in my prison. In truth, there were painfully few willing to share the messiness of their lives.
Most glossed over the less than pretty bits and zipped to the end of their story. When you’re in the middle of your own story, you need time before you jump to the end. Didn’t help to know the happily ever after. I was still stuck on finding the light at the end of this freakin’ tunnel.
Share Your Story Including the Ugly Truths
I’ve made it a point to share some ugly truths here on Break the Frame because perfection is an illusion and I’m no magician. The magic happens when people read about your experience and realize, “Aha! I’m not alone, and I’m not crazy.”
While it’s easy to hide from the world from behind the keyboard, it’s also an amazing connector. One brave person’s story inspiring another soon to be brave person to make hard choices and do daring things.
[Tweet “Be brave. Share your story because it matters. You matter.”]
This time, my body hurts, yes, but my spirit is ready to connect. This recovery thing is brilliant – it goes far beyond the physical. I’m ready to leave my window and be with people who are fighting their own battles with their children, spouse, health, work, money. We’re all fighting, and all need recovery to discover our inner strength that gets obscured in the battle.
Walking through town, I’m reminded that I can’t see anyone else’s crap in a big bubble over their head, but I still know it’s there, and it helps me to feel less alone.
[Tweet “Recovery is a journey, not an end state. Let people walk with you.”]
Share Your Story With Your Team
I once made a HUGE mistake at work and offended a client, albeit unintentionally. In the end, I left the project and for years, I didn’t tell the story – I hid it, like cancer. I needed to recover from the shock, the anger and the fear that I’d do it again. Shame was the star in the movie I played over and over in my mind. Sharing was the only way to change the story and write a new ending.
[Tweet “When we share our stories, we free ourselves from shame. We are not alone.”]
Here’s the thing, we need to share our stories not only for ourselves but for the people who can learn through them to make smarter mistakes (and good choices too). Please, please, please share your story and show up with your humanity instead of a robot-like desire to achieve success. You team needs YOU, not a hero, but someone who’s lived through crap and is still going strong.
We’ve all been “here” before and can stay stuck in our fancy hotel room prison (or office), or we can bravely go out and be a part of the world. Make the choice to be the leader you are and get out there. Share bravely and often. Listen compassionately. Give empathy through your committed presence, not your slick solutions.
You need to share your story. Let people in and create a life of meaning instead of one that belongs on a photo-shopped super perfect magazine cover for a well-lived life. Nobody really has that life. Why pretend?
The biggest reason you need to share your story? Because you have one to tell and people want to learn from you – they crave it. Give up the excuse that your story is too boring or too average or too anything. There is someone out there who needs to hear what you have to say. Bravely and boldy put yourself out there.
If you’re in your office, hiding behind your keyboard, stuck in a hotel room prison, don’t feel ready and need more time to recover, don’t hide. Make a connection; share your story.
So… what’s your story?
Alli,
I hope your recovery – body and spirit – is going well. Sharing our story is essential as a way to recover and as a way to help others. In healthcare today, there are more communities to do just this, and people are gathering in supportive and renewing ways. We need to do the same in other areas of life and challenge.
Grateful you are sharing your story and thoughts and support are with you as your story continues forward.
Jon
Thanks, Jon. I’m not a huge Facebook person but there are some amazingly generous private Facebook communities where people share the good, bad and ugly. Grateful for the resource and wish that there was more of that out there. Up to us to take the first step.
~ Alli
Hi Alli,
Great great post. We all talk about the power of stories and you have taken the important step of outlining the specific value.
Reaching out to others is all about connecting with empathy. Sometimes sharing your story can be a wonderful expression of that.
Bravo,
Kate
Empathy! The heart of people skills. I think that one of the things that I’ve learned is that there is a time to share your story and a time when others need to be heard and the greatest gift you can give is to fully show up and listen.
Thanks, Kate.
~ Alli
Hi Alli. Loved the post. Hope you are doing well in your recovery. It’s a long process. At my diagnosis, surgeries and chemo, I wrote an email to my family every day. They couldn’t all be with me; but, they wanted to understand what was going on. So, I told them. I gave them good news and bad news that way. There were funny times too. I made sure to always include that. When a friend had a very similar diagnosis, I shared all those stories with him. So, I get it. There’s not a lot out there. Everyone’s story is different. There are, however, many similarities. Just 2 weeks ago, I had a follow-up in-depth exam. There’s still anxiety. I don’t think it ever leaves. There is, however, the need to connect, to understand, to help people going through something similar. My oncologist set up a Navigating Cancer discussion site that’s not connected to social media so that people could talk more privately. I was shocked and saddened when he suddenly died a few months ago from a massive heart attack. I’ll meet my new one in a few weeks. Everybody’s got something. Talking about it helps tremendously. Someone out there needs to hear what you’ve experienced. It helped my husband too who talked about it with his team. When he talked about what he experienced as I underwent treatment, those listening actually got help that saved their life.
It is a LONG process that goes so much deeper than our physical bodies. Even on the discussion boards I’m a part of, I’m more of a lurker. I’ve posted only once or twice but the courage and presence always let’s me know that we’re on a shared journey and I’m welcome.
Love that you shared your story as it was unfolding. It’s not my MO but every time I do it more and more it’s a powerful experience.
Lastly, appreciate that your husband spoke about it with his team. Amazing actually. What a moment for him and the level of vulnerability and intimacy it created within his team as well. HUGE that by doing that, another life was saved. Will stick with me. Thank you.
~ Alli
Beautiful post Alli!
We each have a different story to tell and need to find the best way to share it. I find that for me to open up and share my truths I need a trusting and safe environment, free of judgement.
I agree that when we are honest with who we are and what our real journey is about, we can be great supports to one another and tear down any shame.
Thanks Alli! xxoo
So fabulous when we can find that trusting and judgement free space. There’s also a time to find that space within so no matter how our truth is embraced, we’re powerfully holding ourselves. Still,like you, there are those people I meet who invite more of my truth and presence into the relationship – what a gift. (Looking at you, my friend.)
Thanks, Terri!
Hi Alli,
Thank goodness you are cancer free! I am happy for you to share your story. Do you know how many lives you will touch? How many people can relate to your fear and emotions? I applaud you for sharing. How scary it must have been for you. I look forward to reading more about your story and learning. God bless
Bren
I think that’s why your site and the ones that have come before are so important to, Bren. You share your experiences so freely and it helps all of us on the other end smile and think yes! it’s not only me! 🙂
Many thanks to you ~
Alli
Alli, I can only hope and pray that both body and spirit are right where they should be—healthy! Thank you so much for sharing your story, and you are so right…only when we share our story can we excavate the significance of its meaning. And your story is one of strength and inspiration…
Learned that when my spirit is in the right place, my body follows. We all go through so much yet keep our eyes on the end instead of noticing, allowing and appreciating transformation within in this very moment.
Thanks, LaRae!
Alli, I trust this experience will be exactly what it is meant to be for you. My thoughts are with you as you persevere toward recovery once again. You are brave to share your story. You are wise to share your story. Thank you for being a role model and expressing the importance of telling our stories.
Thanks, Terri. We all have stories to tell. At the moment, this is the one that’s top of mind for me. Grateful for your words and connection.
~ alli
One big WOW! Thanks for sharing your story, Ali.
I did not know about your cancer and so I send you my prayers and positive vibes for your recovery.
Being vulnerable and transparent is a learned art that you display for the rest of us to learn by.
Thanks you for sharing.
Warm thoughts from Canada!
Roy
Many thanks, Roy! Sometimes on the search for vulnerability, it’s up to us to lead the way. Trying 🙂
~ Alli
Thank you so much for being brave and vulnerable enough to let us in during these fragile months. I can’t pretend to know what you are going through, being on the patient end of it…I can only understand through my perspectives as a nurse in the past in healthcare and more recently, when my mom developed breast cancer the year before she died.
Sharing these stories is beyond important. For all of the reasons you mentioned and more. None of us can live up to the perfect illusion fostered by parts of the media and even personas online. People are often shamed into hiding the less than perfect aspects of themselves and feel flawed, perpetuating the silence…and preventing just the connection needed to feel supported and loved during our most difficult times in life.
None of us can do it alone.
I wish I could be there with both you and Blair right now. Sending you light and love my friend.
Samantha,
You have always bravely led the way with sharing the darker truths in your life. Instead of making everything like a Facebook stream filled with all the best moments, life is filled with ups and downs, boring and exciting, heartbreaking and uplifting moments. When we only share one side of the equation, it’s out of fear and an unwillingness to truly be seen.
Over the course of the past six months you have actually played a critical part in my healing. Once a day I’d have to do some walking and I’d venture out to a local food court to get lunch (exciting!) Many times that was the exact moment you were online and we’d chat. I don’t know that I ever told you how much those exchanges meant and the impact that you had. Truly grateful.
xo,
Alli
Just want to say I love everything about you Alli!! I am so glad you are cancer free and you are healing. Just know you have a friend always in me. Hugs and more Hugs and of course High Fives because you rock….
Truly appreciate your support and connection! thanks so much, Cindy!!!
xo
Hi, Alli
Each of us has unique experience. I believe God allows us to walk through
the valleys of life for two reasons alone.
They are not go to grave with us but to encourage people who are at the similar situations. To be real to yourself and to others that is the most beautiful thing in human experience.
Love the post, Will Share!
Stella Chiu
Thank you, Stella! I agree. Knowing that our worst moments will help light the way forward for others is an incredible gift. The only way for that to happen is to share beyond what’s comfortable. In the end, making a meaningful connection is worth it.
Best,
Alli
Thanks Alli, your post inspired me to share my story, of endometriosis going nuts, and waking up from routine surgery to ‘you cannot have children naturally anymore’. The hormonal treatment, artificial menoposis, more surgery, and the surprise present of (kinda) breazing through IVF and giving birth to our beautiful second child.
Anne,
A sincere thanks to you for sharing your story. I’ll bet it will give hope to people who are ready to give up. As far as I’m concerned IVF is one of the most amazing advancements of our time. It’s most definitely not an easy process but absolutely thrilled that you were able to complete your family.
All the Best ~
Alli
Alli – I am so glad you are recovering and that you are cancer free! And I’m so glad that you share YOU with all of us! You make me laugh, help me see new perspectives, and inspire me! Big hugs to you!
Your connection means so much. It’s also been a journey I’m happy is coming to a close. It’s one that I’ll carry forward with me forever as I’m changed in so many ways. Happy to share my story and always inspired when you and so many others share yours too.
xo
Alli
I completely agree with what you have written. I hope this post could reach more people as this was truly an interesting post.